An Uncommon Marriage

Subway
1002 N West Shore Blvd, Tampa, FL‎
(813) 288-1629‎

I have been talking with my brother about reviewing food places, and reviewing food in general.  My vision for this site is to not just encompass Food/Restaurant Reviews, but to also incorporate reviews from our other aspects of life.  Things like Music, Art, Automobiles, Motorcycles, Electronics, Video Games, and whatever else piques our interest. While talking about this I brought up reviewing Restaurants that are common, places that are national chains.  When you talk about something like Subway you are presented with a challenge.  How can you make the review interesting?  For the most part, we’ve all had a grilled chicken breast before or sliced deli-meat.  There is nothing particularly exciting or interesting about these mundane components that we eat on a routine basis.  How does one spice these things up?  Well, my answer is to do something unique or interesting.  If I were to eat at an Appleby’s (this wouldn’t be by choice unless it were to do what I will propose shortly) I would make an appetizer challenge.  For instance, I would order every appetizer on the menu and then ask the wait-staff to bring it all on one plate.  The goal would be to see if you could even make it through a quarter of that abomination, although clearly the end-game is that you’re trying to finish it all.  So, how did I spice up Subway?  I spiced it up with an uncommon marriage.

To be frank, I really enjoy Subway.  You can find a fairly healthy sub at a reasonable price.  There are quite a few items on the menu to choose from, and there are a plethora of toppings to customize your meal with. I happen to like the Subway in question because it is within walking distance of my job.  The building it is located in leaves something to be desired though:

gorgeous exterior

That’s right, occasionally my ‘Eat Fresh’ sub comes straight out of a gas station and I know what you’re thinking, “How did you find such a gem?!”  Magic, that’s how.  Okay well that’s patently false, really I just had to get gas once after leaving work.  After surveying the field I had decided on my meal for the afternoon.

surveying the field

meats and cheeses

Today, I would be having a footlong Tuna and Meatballs sub on Italian Herbs & Cheese bread.  After stepping to the plate and placing my order the Subway employee (from now on referred to as Sir Subway) gave me a quizzical look, as if saying, “Are you fucking retarded?”  Sir Subway humored my request with grace and appeared to take some care in crafting this monstrosity.   Placing the beast within the oven required the kind of kid gloves normally reserved for handling a newborn.

step 4

step 5 and 6

After Sir Subway lovingly cradled my abberant sub and placed it in the oven, I had a bit of time to look over the goods and decide what to put on today’s ‘Challenge.’  I went for Onions, Banana Peppers, Jalapenos, and Lettuce.  I thought it prudent to try and marry the meatballs and tuna with something spicy, anything to make this more palatable.  Prior to Sir Subway loading up the ‘Challenge’ with my toppings I got a chance to eyeball my meal.  The best way I can think to describe this sub is… Meat Slurry.  The only comparable ‘food item’ would be chum for sharks.  This appeared to be bad news, Shark Week had been over for months.

helping a champion

Above you can see Sir Subway halving this monster like King Soloman.  The total rang through with tax as $7.49.

before halving the monster

Closed, the sub didn’t seem all that intimidating.

before cracking the beast

After opening my submarine sandwich like a blossoming flower, I was surprised that I wasn’t more taken aback.  The presence of jalapenos and banana peppers may have skewed my perspective but the sub almost looked like a Mexi-sub/Nacho-sub and I happen to love nachos.

a few bites in

After a few bites in, I was surprised.  The Odd Couple Sub is surprisingly edible.  If you like meatballs and you like tuna-salad this sub just might be for you.   As long as you can look past the somewhat abominable appearance this is a passable meal. The hot peppers provide a bit of an explosion to offset the milky blandness of the tuna-salad.

2 large bites left

Spread them wings son!  Only a few bites left…

half a sub remains

…and I’m all done.  The Odd Couple sub feels like a rock in the pit of my stomach so I waived eating the second half. This bad mother definitely requres a plate and utensils.   If you happen to accept this challenge of the “Odd Couple Sub” make sure to begin with an empty stomach and an open heart… and lots of napkins.

The food itself pulls Rating: ★★★½☆. I knew what I was getting into and it ended up being considerabley better than all expectations.

The environment yielded Rating: ★★☆☆☆ as I ate that beast in my cube.  The only positive is that I have a very comfortable chair.

-Matt in Tampa

Author: Matt

I now live in Clearwater, FL and from here the food shall be reviewed.

4 thoughts

  1. I have yet to review anything else. I was providing a general overview of what I’d like to do with this. The idea could even break out as ‘sister’ sites, like woot.com, shirt.woot.com, wine.woot.com, etc. I’m not sure if you actually read these reviews.

    Also, King Dick, I’m trying to write something more interesting than a straight review on a Chicken Sub. It’s so generic, it’s like writing a straight review about a Big Mac. Only someone from Somalia will be informed.

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